there's a reason

why they call it 'dead of winter'....

and no, i'm not talking about that spooky flick with mary steenburgen, jan rubes, and roddy mcdowall at his all-time creepiest--but i must say i did enjoy that movie!--the days are getting longer, but not any warmer...everyone i know is basically hibernating, except if they have to dig themselves out of yet another snowfall. even the dogs don't stay out for long, and who can blame them?

now i know that our winter out here started alarmingly late, but it has made up for it's tardy entrance with a vengeance, in both accumulation and temperature. all the more reason to stay inside and make thread snowflakes, or drink hot apple cider sitting by the fireplace (not that we have one, but doesn't that sound nice?), or read a good book, or watch a movie, or whatever blows your skirt up.

five

i came to a realization the other day. for the past few years i remember feeling really sad at the beginning of the year, that the year wasn't starting off well, and thought it was just my being all miserable about my birthday and getting older, and then the other day it just hit me like a ton of bricks...some really horrible, traumatic things have happened in my life over the past 10 years right around christmas and the new year. my dad was diagnosed with cancer in the beginning of december in 1997, he died a little over three years later, just 5 days after my birthday in january...he made it to the new millenium.

just when you think things are getting back to some semblance of normal, life comes along and boots you in the teeth again. not quite two years later, i got a call from my mom. it was a week before christmas. we had a conversation that contained the words 'ultrasound', 'chest xray', 'malignant' and 'inoperable', to name a few. she was such a brave and strong woman. she just said 'it's no use crying over it, it won't do any good, it's done now.' i came home for a visit a couple of weeks later because i knew there wouldn't be much time. there wasn't. we lost mom not even a month later, on february 11th, two years and almost one month after dad passed. it was a monday morning, and i got a call at work from my sister, and i remember stupidly saying 'but i just talked to her yesterday...', as if that would make what she had just told me untrue. i held it together long enough with my coworker to get out of the office, thinking i could get in the elevator, and start crying, but when the doors opened there was a man standing in the elevator...i remember trying so hard not to burst into hysterical sobs, so as not to scare the living crap out of this poor man, who had no idea why i would be so upset on a monday morning, and even found myself making absurdly polite small talk with him about the weather, all the while thinking to myself, 'this is what it feels like to really go insane.' and praying for the elevator to get to the parking garage so i could just get into my car and fall apart.

it's silly because i'm a grown woman, but i said to my sister at her house after the funeral that we were orphans now. not like some dickensian version of orphans, no, but i still felt like a small child that was all alone in the world. of course i wasn't, i had cee and his family, my brothers and sister, and all our family, and some really wonderful friends to support me and share in my grief. but at that bleak moment i couldn't see any of that and i felt so hopelessly all alone.

i dream about my parents all the time. at first everything is great and we are all happy, and then all of a sudden i will realize, in the dream, that something just isn't quite right...most times i will figure it out in the dream, but sometimes i just travel through the dream with a vague feeling that i'm missing something. i have a theory that it's part of the grieving process. last night i dreamed that mom and dad were going out for a walk with chopin. when i woke up i smiled.

my mom always was proud of what i made, even when all i could make was an uneven granny square. she was so impressed when i finally learned how to follow a pattern to make a baby afghan for a friend. i've progressed far beyond that now, and even learned to knit since mom passed. i like to think of her smiling down every time i finish something new, and even sending me some inspiration when i really need it.

this is my latest finished project. a knitted jacket and hat, made with gifted yarn (thanks pammy!) the pattern was a freebie project sheet from coats & clark. i loved the look of it, but the sizing made me laugh, size 6-12 months...that's quite a large variation, no? it's been a while since i've been around a baby, but i do remember them changing a whole lot in size between 6 & 12 months. cee's one comment about it was to ask if i ran out of buttons...i think it's supposed to be like a matinee jacket or a sacque...really i followed the pattern, it only buttons up at the top.

there are many cables and a 'plume' (looks like a feather and fan to me) pattern, so this kept my interest while i was making it. i like patterns with different stitches because i get so bored knitting stockinette row after row.

you can see the yarn a little better in this picture, as well as the pattern.

i think mom would like this set.

what a good boy

goodbye my sweet, wonderful Chopin, i'm so sorry i couldn't be there with you in the end. you were such a good boy. i will always remember the day i brought you home as one of the happiest days of my life.

you brought joy and laughter to all our lives. you lived well and were well loved. you ruled the house and everyone in it. you fought hard to live and went through more surgeries and procedures than anyone should have to live through, but in the end it was all just too much for your poor little body to bear and you could fight no more.

i know now that you are in a wonderful place where there is no pain, no ache, no sickness, no endless rounds of medication or i.v.s or feeding tubes. a place where your liver won't fail and the vet won't cry because there's nothing else she can do for you...you are in a place now where you can run and play like we did when you were a puppy and go for endless walks with dad and mom and Rumpy and you can bark all day long at whoever you want and no one will ever tell you to be quiet.


i know for you there is no more suffering, for us though, the heartache is just beginning. we will miss hearing your barks, getting your kisses and giving you tummy rubs, and just having you there like the faithful companion you were.

goodbye, beloved puppy.

Chopin

March 29, 1993 -- February 2, 2007

see you at the rainbow bridge...

chaussettes

really i'm not trying to be pretentious and be all like 'i know how to speak french' and all that, because i can't...well, at least not beyond the canadian public school system's teachings, and that was waaay too long ago to mention, in fact too long ago to remember much, i was a little stuck for a post title and didn't feel like just calling it 'socks', so i used the french word.....for socks.

i learned how to cable without a cable needle for these little socks--which cee helpfully pointed out to me don't match--so that was my exciting learn for the week. i did have to get a little assistance from the helpful folks over at knitter's review forums because i just couldn't visualize how it would work, i was all 'howdeedodat', but then after a night's sleep i finally figured it out, yay me.

em...you do know they don't match, right?

why yes, yes i do...i made the pink one first and if you are eagle eyed you will notice that the foot is longer...too many rows...misread pattern, not enough caffeine, my mistake. too lazy to rip it back and fix...made the blue one just because and this time got it right. i didn't have anyone in mind, was just trying out a new pattern....but i suppose if someone needed a pair or two for say, a new baby that might be on its way, i could be persuaded to make some more..i promise to make two the same colour...maybe....

love handles

so i made my first pair of grown-up gloves..with actual whole fingers and thumbs and everything! i never realized how very hard it is to photograph the colour red:

these gloves are made on two needles. before christmas i searched and searched for a glove pattern that i could understand, be it on two needles, circulars, dpns, whatever, and i really couldn't find anything that worked...i tried and frogged quite a few different versions until i happened upon a book called 'knitted accessories' from the knitter's bible, which has some really cute projects in it, including this one, which is called 'love heart gloves'...i know, the picture leaves a lot to be desired but they have a little heart pattern on the back of the hand, you can sort of make it out here:

i rather liked making these gloves, they make up fairly quickly but they are a bit fiddly i have to say, and i made the mistake of not measuring the fingers the first time around so it was a lot of trying on and mucking around on both gloves to get the fingers just right...as it is the thumbs are still a little big, but you can't have everything i guess. i may also try my hand at making some convertible mittens as well.

oh, and in case you were waiting with baited breath (yeah, right), here's this week's snowfall contribution:

blizzard

the forecast calls for........SNOW.......i suppose i might as well type it now, since we have a crap load of it....well at least two inches on the ground anyway, with an official 'snow day' called on monday, i think we can safely say that winter has arrived in this neck of the woods, not a bad run for the mild weather though, i'm not complaining.

ground hog day is only a couple weeks away, and can glorious spring be too far behind it?

these are my latest flakes, the patterns for all but two can be found in the book '99 snowflakes'.

seven years

i like to keep things light around here so i won't get too maudlin, at least i'll try. it was seven years ago today that we lost my dad. it seems like yesterday to me, especially on this day, or other days--special occasions like his birthday, father's day, christmas...the list goes on. my life changed forever that day. in the blink of an eye your entire world can turn completely upside down, while everyone and everything around you just keeps on as normal...i will never forget that sick, freaky, almost nightmarish feeling i had driving home from the hospital--watching people go about their normal daily routines, traffic on the road, people rushing into grocery stores, hurrying on their commute home from work, busy doing nothing and everything, normal wednesday afternoon activities, all the while my family's lives were coming apart at the seams and we struggled to come to the realization that dad was gone, we would never see him again, never hear his voice, never hear his laugh, never. it broke my heart to see the dog sit by the door day in and day out for weeks waiting for dad to walk through it and come home, not understanding where he was. grief is such a personal thing. you hear things like 'it will get better with time'...i don't know about better, but for me it's become less...painful i guess is the only word that fits...for me it's a wound that won't ever quite heal. i was wrong about not seeing him again, i see him all the time in my dreams. it's not the same though, i miss my dad.

flakey friday

well this week we finally got some of that white stuff...sn*w...happily though it's already melted. and you know, for the whole 48 or so hours it was on the ground, people around here were actually complaining about it, too! the nerve. all gone now, but there are promises of more to come this weekend, just in time for someone's (who shall not be named) birth anniversary...of course, the weather always turns crappy on that day, probably to go with the mood of the person who's turning a year older, although this person--let's just call her 'k' for want of a better name--refuses to acknowledge said day and will definitely not acknowledge getting older, in fact will only admit to turning 29 for the umpteenth time.

in any case, i digress...here are some more of my woman-made sn*wflakes, which i have decided i will showcase on fridays...at least for this week:

i got the patterns for these in multiple places, a lot are free online at the cpc site, and a few were from books that i had, one in particular called '99 sn*wflakes' and the other was the 'tis the season for crochet' book that had the cute penguins in it.

if you were wondering (you probably weren't but i'll tell you anyway) the 'background' is a hand towel i had in close proximity and thought it would bring out the detailing of the flakes a bit...i know, i'm no annie leibovitz.

some of these are pretty small, so i put a loonie ($1 coin) up for comparison...they are a little bigger than a quarter i guess and can get lost easily...this happened with the one on the left...after i stiffened & blocked it and the others i was taking the pins out and somehow it just went missing...which made me think i was driving myself bonkers (it's a short enough trip), because it pretty much disappeared right before my eyes...cee was my hero as usual though and he found the pesky little thing hiding under a table hat (it's the curse of the table hat!), so i quickly put in the box with the others.

clusterrific

i finished another doily....wait.....did i say doily? because i meant to say table hat...cee said i shouldn't make any more doilies, because we have no where to put them, so it wasn't logical...and when he saw me working on this he said "what is that?" so i said, "it's a hat"--because i'm so quick thinking and witty...and he said, "i better see you wearing it"--because he knows b.s. when he hears it-- so then i said "it's a table hat"--again with the quick thinking...so that's what it is...a table hat....that's my story and i'm sticking to it.

this is called the 'cluster stitch' doi--em..table hat--and it took me an insanely long time to make and an excrutiatingly long time to block...and was very very involved, i actually put off blocking it for about a week just because i knew what a pain in the rump it would be. i think it should be called the "cluster (insert f-word expletive here) doil--table hat" there are a bajillion cluster stitches, both double and treble, and a gazillion picots, but i was happy with the end result. i would have taken a few close ups but the camera (a poor worker blames their tools) just is not up to snuff...i couldn't get a decent shot of it.

if you would like to make this table hat, you can find the pattern for it here

no visible flakes

funny i should name my first post of the year after a line i heard in a dandruff commercial, but in this case it really suits. i joined a thread sn*wflake crochet along on the 'ville and here are my first efforts:


these really are the only sn*wflakes you will see around here--right now, anyway--i admit i would much rather see these flakes than the real variety. i think shovelling a pile of these would be a snap.

i say the title fits, because for the first year in all of my 30..er..something...years there is absolutely no sn*w outside...oh we had years when it would melt early (chinooks are quite common and very welcome from where i originally hail) and then fall again, but this is different....this is...scary...creepy even. here it is january 3 and we have had not even one day of sn*w yet this winter...oh sure we had that half-hearted flurry in the beginning of october, but since then...nothing...around here we are all waiting for the other shoe to drop...people aren't really even saying the word "sn*w"--see, i'm even afraid to type it--lest a gigantic pile of it fall from the sky onto their heads. now, of course, one person's delight is often someone else's dread, or however the saying goes...this does put a hurt onto some of the businesses around here...you know, wintery-type activities like ice fishing, sn*wboarding, skiing--although what they call 'ski hills' out here leaves much to the imagination--could be i'm biased though, growing up with a view of the rockies out our kitchen window...but here in canada we are nothing if not creative, and for the times when mother nature doesn't cooperate, as long as it's cold enough, we have a little thing we like to call a sn*wmaking machine...which i suppose i have become for myself. if these are the only flakes we see this winter i don't guess it would be too horrible...just a little spooky.