Saturday, June 14, 2008

did you know

that I used to smoke? Well I did. A lot. I was one of those people that actually enjoyed smoking, of those. I wasn't an inconsiderate smoker by any means...if people didn't want me to smoke in their cars or homes or near them, I wouldn't, I'd just go outside and freeze or get rained on with the rest of the social lepers, but baby, I loved me my smokes! I used to wake up in the middle of the night and have to have a smoke before I could go back to sleep, that's how much I loved them, and my smokes, they loved me in return....I never even gave one thought about trying to quit. Ever.

But then I met Cee. Cee doesn't smoke...never fact he gets quite ill around cigarette smoke.....awkward!! When we first met, I still stayed a smoker for a little while (of course, never around him), but when it became increasingly more apparent that our lives were going to be intertwined, I decided I'd better bite the bullet and at least try to quit....notice I'm not mentioning anything about quitting for my health. Well I did quit....over nine years wasn't pretty. Have you seen the commercial with the flight attendant screaming at the passengers on the plane and breaking into crushing sobs as she picks up the phone to page? Well that was me.

I tried cold turkey (anyone remember that movie? It's pretty accurate and funny) at first...I went to my mother, gave her my cigarettes, and said "I'm a non smoker now, you can put these away for me."...and she looked at me with that look that only mothers have, and said "Mmm hmm...ok." I made it almost 6 hours before I (quite logically, to me at the time) thought I should probably kill someone for their smokes. The addiction had me...hard. Luckily for my mum, she'd put my cigarettes where they could be easily reached in the case of my spectacular cold turkey failure, which of course, inevitably happened.

Two months later I tried the gum. I told Cee over the phone that I was quitting, and he said "Uh huh" in sort of an unbelieving tone, which to be honest, kind of pissed me off (it could have been the beginnings of nicotine withdrawal) and I thought, "Do I really want to quit for this guy?!" (still notice I'm not quitting because smoking is so horribly bad for me, but because Cee doesn't smoke) Anyway, I managed to make it through the first 24 unbelievably horrible hours and I knew...I just knew I was going to be successful. And every time I started to think about having a cigarette, I just tried to remember how horrible quitting felt, the shakes, the irritability, the wanting to kill people for their cigarettes, the uncontrollable heaving sobs...and I stayed not smoking. Now the gum (Nicorette Gum, to be specific) can be a double-edged sword....some people cannot stand the taste--I didn't mind it. Some people actually get addicted to the gum--I didn't like it that much. About a month or so after I quit, I stopped chewing the gum. Fast forward to 9 years and some months later and I am still smoke free. I don't miss it really, although I can smell it from about 50 feet away and sniff wistfully at times, and my eyes get all glassy with the fond, fond memories.... I do, however, dream about smoking. All the time...almost every night in fact. It's always the same...whatever dream I'm having, all of a sudden I stop and light up a smoke, and get about half-way through it, feeling absolutely wonderful. Then I panic, thinking "Oh no...I quit smoking...I can't have this!!" Then I look around sneakily and think, "Oh well, it's only one, it doesn't make me a smoker again." and then whatever other dreams I'm having continue. I think I have this dream for at least two reasons; 1. Because I know in my heart if I had even one cigarette, I'd be up to a pack a day in about a week. and 2. at least in my dreams I can still enjoy me my smokes...It truly is a hard addiction to break.

Sometimes I like to think that someone up there sent me my beloved Cee just to get me to stop smoking...and I got a pretty good deal in the trade.

Now on to things knitting and crocheting and fibre related, since it is World Wide Knit In Public Day...or something like that. For me, that's pretty much every day, since I drag my stuff everywhere, but I suppose not everyone is as wrapped up in this addiction as I am. (gee, do you think I've got an addictive personality or what?)

Cee's mum brought me an Avon catalogue a few days ago, pointed to a picture of socks with no toes (Spa Socks, they called them) and said "Do you think you could make me these?" and I of course said "Absolutely!!" and so I found the Pedicure socks pattern on Knitty.

I took some liberties here...she wanted them to wear in bed to keep her heels warm, so I used some baby wool I'd been gifted instead of the recommended Patons Merino, and I went down a needle size. I also ribbed all the way down the leg and the instep, because my MIL has very dainty ankles and narrow feet (lucky wench). She likes them, and they went fast because of the thicker yarn.

Then because I don't have enough projects going, I decided to start a new knitting bag. I'm using the "Mrs. Weasley's Bag of Stitch Witchery" pattern from Charmed Knits. I played around with colours and came up with a combination I thought was utterly brilliant, and I revelled in my cleverness, my ability to create something unique...then I went on Ravelry and found at least two other people had come up with the exact combination...great minds...

This is the centre front panel of the bag, which seems to be going quickly. Something tells me though that the rest of the bag will take me a while, since my right thumb has been giving me some weird pains, so I'm going to try to stay away from the needles and hooks for a while and give the paws a rest...don't know if I'll suffer withdrawals or not.

If you want to take a look at the Pedicure Socks pattern, you can find it a Knitty here.
If you want more info on the book, "Charmed Knits" (projects inspired by Harry Potter), click here.


Sharon said...

(((Kiki))) Thank you so much for sharing your "quit" story! I too am an ex-smoker, nicotine free for 2 1/2 years. Acupuncture was what did the trick for me, after way too many unsuccessful attempts to quit. I think there's nothing wrong with being addicted to yarn and fiber. (but of course I would say that, being a yarn and fiber pusher!) :P oh, and those pedi socks are so cute!

Elizabeth said...

Hi, Kiki,
I'm right before you on the Fiber Arts Bloggers ring. Loved your quitting story, and I can really relate to it, too. I quit a year ago -- well, it's almost a year ago -- I quit last July. I still wake up almost every morning and wish for a cigarette. It's a tough habit to break. I enjoyed reading a little bit of your blog. Love the pedi socks, they are just adorable, and the bag is pretty wonderful, too. Glad to be your "neighbor" so to speak!
Take care, Elizabeth

Kiki said...

Aww thank you Sharon and Elizabeth!! So glad to know more and more are deciding to quit and have stayed ex-smokers!

ladylinoleum said...

I used to smoke a lot too. I quit about 7 years ago. I'm glad I did, but I used to love smoking too. I get it.

Love the pedi socks and the bag!!

Kiki said...

Thanks Lady L! I am also really glad I quit, but at least I still get to light up in my dreams...